Oh, the irony!
This is a common sight in big-box garden centers:
It still irritates my eye balls, but short of scratching them out, there’s nothing I can do.
Yesterday, though, I spotted a new iteration:
“Nature Perfect Succulents,” the display proclaims in faux handwriting. To reach an even wider audience, there’s also a Spanish version: “Suculentas son la perfección de la naturaleza.” Translating as “Succulents are nature’s perfection,” it ups the melodrama another notch.
If succulents are so perfect to begin with, then why do they have to be painted ghastly shades of pink, purple, and blue?
Can the perpetrators of this crime against botany not see the irony in this? It sure wasn’t lost on me!
But this was just act #1 of the horror show. Indulging my masochistic streak, I took in act #2...
...and act #3:
Admittedly, googly eyes aren’t on the same level of perversion as act #1 and #2. In fact, they can be quite droll:
There are plenty of people who claim that googly eyes make everything look better.
Plus, these days. googly eyes are Everything Everywhere All At Once:
So I’ll forgive the glued-on googly eyes as an expression of the zeitgeist. And they come off with little effort.
Even those rubbery flowers are easy to remove—in that respect, an improvement over the strawflowers of old.
But the painted succulents, they are in a circle of hell all their own.
P.S. If you’re wondering who on Earth is buying these, apparently there’s enough demand to keep churning them out. It’s a great way to flog plants with blemished leaves that would make them hard to sell otherwise. A layer of paint covers up a lot of unsightliness.
© Gerhard Bock, 2023. All rights reserved. To receive all new posts by email, please subscribe here.
I whole heartedly agree--an abomination of nature!
ReplyDeleteIt ought to be a crime...
ReplyDeleteI have a few ideas of what to do with the perpetrators, however I also like to spend my last years in freedom.
ReplyDeleteThey should be forced to walk around with fake flowers and googly eyes stuck to their head!
DeleteAbsolutely a crime against succulents & cacti if not nature. Should be banned,
ReplyDeleteIf they’re painted, how do they photosynthesise? Wouldn’t they just curl up and cark it? (Aussie for die). I’ve never seen them here, thank God. I actually don’t mind the googly eyes as I think kids might like them and get interested.
ReplyDeleteHorticat
The sad thing is that they _CAN'T_ photosynthesize. I think the paint wears off eventually and/or the plant has enough energy to push out new green leaves.
DeleteThe next time I see one of these sad creatures on the clearance rack, I'll buy one to see if the paint comes off easily.
I'd rather buy an artificial plant than this travesty.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to sneak in a small sign, when no one is looking, proclaiming "plant painting is a crime against nature!"
Chavli
Good point about buying an artificial plant over this. I agree!!
DeleteThose painted succulents are false advertising to me as well as killing the plant. The people doing this should be forced to stop. When I was a kid they used to sell painted baby turtles at Easter. So awful and it was stopped by some government agency.
ReplyDeletePainted baby turtles! I've never heard of that. That's even worse, far worse!
DeleteIt was in the 1950’s in the United States and, thank goodness, it was stopped.
DeleteCan you imagine the uproar if that happened now?
DeleteAaaaaahhhhh! I admit to plucking off a few of those koosh ball things while standing in line, but the PAINT! Atrocious!
ReplyDeleteDo tell: How easy is it to remove the koosh ball flowers?
DeleteThese koosh were REALLY stuck on there, but I was determined! I removed 4, my good deed for the day. The googly eyes are much easier.
DeleteThe worst offence I have seen was a rare, here anyway, Euphorbia obesa globe glued onto a piece of plastic on top of a clay pot. No roots and no way to remove the plant without peeling off a chunk it. Who thinks these gimics are okay? We should start a campaign to 'Stop Succulent Abuse'. Gerhard will you take the lead?
ReplyDeleteWow, that's far worse! What a horrid idea. Why can't people just leave plants the way they are? I already cringe when I see dyed carnations in the super market!
DeleteI was thinking to add some eyeballs to my Dasylirion out front for Halloween. I thought the neighborhood kids would get a kick out of them (and maybe get them interested in gardening!!). But paint a plant pink or purple--painful to look at those.
ReplyDeleteI thought I read that the growers think the paint is cringe-y too, but that is what sells, so they paint. Most Americans are too alienated from nature, like kids who are afraid of butterflies.